Sometimes it feels like there's not a single moment in your life to breathe. From the second the kids' eyes pop open in the wee hours of the morning to when they enjoy that after-dinner super-spin cycle, your head remains on a 360-degree swivel as you try to be the best parent possible.
Even when your spouse is home to help, there's all the pressure of finding enough time to support your marriage. Sometimes you look at your friends who are divorced and envy them their two weekends a month where the house is empty and they get to sleep. Sometimes you wonder: would it be simpler to leave behind the struggle of "marital bliss?"
Kids really do adjust
If you are staying together because you don't want to harm your children's mental and physical health by subjecting them to the trauma of a divorce, studies have shown that 80% of children who live with split families don't suffer from significantly more health issues than kids from a traditional home. It may feel like subjecting yourself to life as a domestic with no reward or rest in sight solely for the sake of the children is just unsustainable.
Finances can be a significant impediment
If you enter into a divorce settlement, there is the stark reality that family finances do tend to suffer as you now must support two homes instead of one. Even if you are tired and worn out while you're married, the struggle to put food on the table while divorced can be even more of a challenge. If the negatives will most certainly outweigh the positives, it's probably better to try and make the marriage work.
Are you overtired or abused?
Now, if your spouse is not providing the physical and emotional support that they promised to provide when you exchanged your vows, it really might be time to consider divorce. Surviving those first few years of parenthood is no small task, and it's even more difficult to work through if your partner is only coming home to be fed and washed, just like the children.
Equally important is that if physical and emotional abuse are also part of the never-ending torment, it is time to act for the future health the entire family. Simple survival can't be a path forward. The quality of your family's life depends on the quality of yours.
Joint custody brings its own challenges
Even if you do end up divorced, your role as a parent will likely remain just as demanding as before as you work through weekend visits, holidays with the other side of the family and disagreements over proms, college funds and important health issues. While the idea of sending the kids to your ex's for the weekend might sound like a fast way to refueling your sleep deprived self, it's not an easy solution.
If you are struggling with your marriage, consider reaching out to a counselor or attorney well versed in family law for assistance and advice. A quick phone call really can make a big difference.
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